Today in New York

This morning in New York 2.3 million people masturbated, 250,432 had sex, and 17 college students took it up the ass for the first time. 

By 11am 76 men had received blow-jobs in the shower from 82 women who were not their wives, and 6,744 New Yorkers had made their way home from a one-night-stand with a stranger they met the night before.  1,237 of them will go out again and 352 will have a third date.  Two of them will eventually fall in love and get married.

By 4pm 252 people had threesomes and of those 84 events, 76 of them were incredibly awkward. 632 people looked into someone’s window with telescopes and 122 of them either saw a couple having sex or someone showering.

By the end of the day 212 women had sex with colleagues of their husbands.  8 of them had their husband’s consent. 6 people had sex in Central Park before the rain started and 68 girls were fingered while watching Avatar.  

It was a good day in New York.

—Guy New York

Reblog if you wouldn’t mind having sex right now.

“Wouldn’t mind” may be a little bit of an understatement.

jamesn86:

prinsey:

My birthday’s coming up. Well not really. It’s Jan 6. But we can pretend?

I have a feeling if we could search through all your posts for things you tagged with “want” we would find a female fixie that is going to give you head.

Now I don’t pretend to know the mechanics of that, but it worries me.

Keep your penis away from my bike.  Actually, my bike has gears so it’s too complex for you.

Pretty sure what I want is… A gorgeously hot babe, with a perky, yet not overly sized chest, who loves provocative photos, who can stand attractively next to a fixie wearing wicked kicks, and then later engage in some naughty-naughty.